


In Return For Grace

by aewgliriel



Series: If This Is Wrong [11]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Legacy Era - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Infertility, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 22:57:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6096703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewgliriel/pseuds/aewgliriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaina confesses past sins to her aunt, looking for advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Return For Grace

She was early for her lunch with her aunt, but wasn't surprised to find Mara Jade Skywalker already waiting for her. Jaina hurried to join her at the table and dropped into her seat.  
  
“I got us a seat away from the crowd,” Mara said. “And I have a jammer, just in case anything you wanted to talk about is sensitive.”  
  
Jaina snorted. “You could say that. I wanted to talk to you about something I can't go to Mom with just yet.”  
  
Mara’s green eyes were sharp. “Is this about what you told us the other night?”  
  
The server came over, asking for their drink orders. Jaina ordered a glass of wine, which prompted a curious look from the older woman. After a moment, Mara said, “I'll have the same.”  
  
When the server left, Mara added, “I have a feeling I'm going to need it. I take it from your choice that you're not presently pregnant or attempting to be?”  
  
Sighing, Jaina shook her head. “Cilghal figured out why I can't get pregnant. Or I can, I just can't stay pregnant more than a couple of days at most.” She rubbed her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut.  
  
Their drinks arrived. It was one of the things Jaina liked about the place: fast, discreet service. She took a sip of the red liquid as she looked over the menu, finally choosing a seared iagoin steak and a mix of roasted root vegetables, with a side of green thakitillo.  
  
“Spill,” Mara said when they were alone again.  
  
“Are you familiar with blood factor incompatibility?”  
  
Mara nodded. “I researched it before Ben was born.”  
  
“Kyp and I are incompatible. I've already developed a sensitivity.”  
  
Her aunt stared hard at her. “How did _that_ happen?”  
  
Jaina fidgeted with her napkin for a long moment, then said, “I wasn't aware of this whole blood thing until yesterday. Neither was Kyp. Um.”  
  
“Jaina. When, exactly, were you pregnant? Was it when you were with the Killiks? Did you miscarry while with them?”  
  
“No,” she said in a small voice, feeling worse under Mara's scrutiny than she probably would under her mother's. “I never told anyone, but… _Before_ Kyp asked me to be his apprentice? He and I slept together. It was just a- a one-off thing, he didn't manipulate me into it. If anything, I talked _him_ into it."  
  
Mara's eyes narrowed. "You _what?_ "  
  
Jaina flushed a little. "Something stupid, clearly. But my point is… You remember when I was staying with you and Uncle Luke after Ben was born, and I had that really awful period and I had to go see Cilghal because I was bleeding so bad?”  
  
Mara sighed heavily. “Oh, Jaina. I suspected something had happened between you two, but I didn't think it had gone _that_ far.”  
  
Jaina pushed her glass away, pulled it back. “I didn't even know I was pregnant. But when it happened, when I lost it, it triggered this condition, and it's irreversible.”  
  
“I'm so sorry.”  
  
“Thanks. I… Kyp's blaming himself. He shouldn't. I forgave him for all that a long time ago, even before we officially got together, and I'm not about to blame him for _this_. But it kind of feels like we're being punished.”  
  
Mara sipped her wine and thought for a long moment. “So what are you going to do? Use a surrogate?”  
  
“I don't know. Maybe. I _want_ to be pregnant. Cilghal says there's a way, but it's dangerous.” She outlined the plan of suppressing her immune system and quarantining herself for the duration. “I don't even know if it would work. Kyp doesn't want me to do it.”  
  
“I don't blame him, because I don't want you to, either. That's stupid and risky, just for the chance to put yourself through what are miserable conditions under the _best_ of circumstances.” Mara shook her head. “I did pregnancy while sick. It's not fun and I almost died. If you really want a baby that badly, use a surrogate.”  
  
Jaina felt tears well and squeezed her eyes shut. “That's easy for you to say. You got to be pregnant. I don't just want to hold my baby, I want to feel it growing and kicking. I want to carry it myself. I-”  
  
Mara gave her head a sharp shake. A moment later, the server arrived with their food. Jaina stared at the food, both hungry and nauseated. She picked up her fork, speared a chunk of vegetable.  
  
She chewed in silence until he'd left. “Mom is going to ask why in either case. I can't exactly tell her that I had a one night stand with Kyp at eighteen and he knocked me up.”  
  
Mara’s smile was wry. “No. But I'd be more leery of your father. Han might like Kyp, but I think that would test even his limits. As I see it, you're going to have to lie and say it must have been a miscarriage _after_ the point you officially became a couple. Cilghal would never betray otherwise, and neither will I. Even if I _do_ want to skin him for kriffing _my_ apprentice.”  
  
Jaina snorted a laugh.  
  
“It was just that one time, right?”  
  
“Um. There… was a time after. After Anakin died, and Jacen was gone. Kyp was there, and he cared, and we'd already been there once, so…”  
  
Mara held up a hand. “You don't need to explain it. Details might make me want to hit him. However you two got together, as long as you're happy, I'll let him live. He keeps you happy and grounded, so I can overlook my personal differences with him. And he's family now. I never liked Fel, anyway.”  
  
Jaina nodded. “I'm not going to tell my parents anything right now. Luke is sending me to Corellia in the morning, so everything's gotta wait til I'm done there, anyway.”  
  
“I'll keep an eye on Kyp while you're gone, make sure he doesn't wander off into a nest of gundarks.”  
  
Grinning, Jaina shook her head.


End file.
